And They Goin Gorillas

December 2019

If you were a kid who loved playing outside when you were little, you may be familiar with the phrase that parents use to keep their kids out of the dirt. “Don’t sit there honey, you don’t want ants in your pants!” Of course, we rolled our eyes and continued playing, we knew it wasn’t real and laughed in the face of ants in our pants. These said ants would never come into OUR pants, not ours, not us. Fast forward 20 years and I can safely say that our parents were onto something. You don’t want ants in your pants and you especially don’t want ants in your pants while tracking mountain gorillas in the wild. But of course I learnt this the hard way.

I’m no expert, but I think there is a thing between me and monkeys. Two years ago I got bit by a monkey in Kenya and had to get 9 rabies shots. You would think that I would decide to stay clear of my furry friends, but then again, when else will I ever live so close to mountain gorillas!? There are only 880 MGs left in the wild and it felt like a once in a lifetime situation, so I decided to YOGO (you only gorilla once) and booked my trek from Uganda’s Mgahinga National Park. I was excited to see these beauties up close and personal, but never could have imagined how up close and personal I would get. The day took many unexpected turns BUT here I am to tell the tale. Where to begin?

Its hard for me to remember the last time I was truly afraid. I’ll admit, I’m guilty of the occasional high pitched shriek when a cockroach runs through the kitchen and get way too nervous when there is turbulence on airplanes, but I haven’t felt that deep fear that sits in your gut for awhile. Then I went to see the mountain gorillas and had to throw all of my street cred out the window. Not so tough anymore...I was scared shitless.

Let me explain, it’s not that the gorillas themselves are scary, they are gorgeous and spend most of their time eating, climbing trees, playing and sleeping, nothing too PG13. It’s their sheer power and the unpredictability that scares me. I can’t describe the feeling of standing next to a 350 pound wild animal in their natural environment. We had the chance to observe their lives, so close that you can feel the breeze as the alpha walks past you and see their power with each step. It was surreal.

We tracked the Nyekagezi family, a group of 17 gorillas including a 2 year old baby fluff ball (my heart was stolen). To find the gorillas, we were led by rangers through a beautiful dense bamboo forest. It was raining and as the gorillas have no limits in the wild, there was no trail to follow— the gorillas could be anywhere (cue dramatic music). Machete in hand, the rangers tracked the gorillas by following their poo, cutting a path along the way and calling out in grunts and whistles.

When we finally arrived at where the gorillas had set up camp for the day, our guide turned to us and said:

“the gorillas are very peaceful but like to show you whose boss. If any of them come close to you stay VERY still, under no circumstances do you run, they are just trying to test you but it’s rare that this will happen.”

Ok, no big deal, she’s a ranger and it’s her job to prepare us for the unlikely, right? Wrong. 10 minutes into watching the gorillas, I see one slowly sauntering over to me. He was the sassy one of the group, always playing around, throwing branches and making himself known, the obvious sassafras. Sassafras slowly approached me, getting closer and closer he looked straight into the eyes and didn’t break his gaze. I knew it was on. The gorilla was testing me, seeing how tough I was, and my 5’1 self was about to pee in my pants. When he was finally in front of me, he grabbed my leg and held on.

All I could hear was the ranger whispering in my ear, “don’t move, don’t move” and although in my head I was already swinging out of the forest Tarzan style, my feet stayed grounded, and I didn’t move. When I finally passed the test and the gorilla realized I was gucci, he let go and slowly sauntered off as if nothing happened, casual for him but leaving me in need of a heavy duty ventilator. I had forgotten to breathe—nothing like a staring contest with a gorilla to put you in your place.

It wasn’t until I took a breath that I felt sharp pinches going up and down my legs and back. I looked down to realize that the day had finally come... the fateful day when I actually had ants in my pants. And not just one or two, but dozens of ants allllll over the pants. The rangers made me take off my pants and pull each ant off one by one. So there I was, standing in the middle of the forest in my undies, 20 feet from a family of gorillas, picking fire ants off my legs and booty. Needless to say with my gorilla grab and strip show I may have been more entertainment than seeing the gorillas that day.

So my visit to Mgahinga National Park was quite the event and despite the unpredicted show-down throw-down with a gorilla and getting feasted on by ants, I can WHOLEHEARTEDLY say it was an incredible experience that I will never forget. Being around the gorillas was magical and surprisingly enough, I wouldn’t have changed a thing.